You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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