Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
