I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
