if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How drunk are you?
Completed.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
