What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
