I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
