Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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