Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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