Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
