THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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