I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
