It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
