woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
