We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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