Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
