speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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