Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
