JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
