It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
