Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
