I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
