When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
