listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
