Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
