i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
