Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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