eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
