then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
