As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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