You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
