First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
