You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the day after is always just damage control
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
