They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Randomize
