I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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