I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
