he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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