You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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