I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
