I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
