My room smells like vodka and shame
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
