What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You can't special order awesome
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
