I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
