Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
