Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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