Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
