I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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