I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
