are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
