I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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