Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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