oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
